the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
