right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
