Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
