Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
