Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
