i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
