If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
