her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
