3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
