Buhtt sex?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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