About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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