I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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