i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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