My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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