So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize