You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
