i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
