Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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