i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
