I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
