Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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