we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
