Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
