nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
