I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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