a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
