The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
