Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
