Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
