I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
