If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
