i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
