The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
