I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
