I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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