He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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