I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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