Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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