Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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