i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
