I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
