it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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