I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
