my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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