I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
