It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
