this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
