i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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