his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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