According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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