there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
