is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
