he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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