I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
