@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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