i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
