i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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