Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
