so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
