did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
