Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
