you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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