i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
