I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
