I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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