She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Welp...herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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