How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
