For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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