I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
