i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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