whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm jealous of your bromance
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't deserve a penis
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
