Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
